so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
