So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
