Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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