I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
