Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
