Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
