i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
