two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
