Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
