well you can't waste a boner
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Vodka?
Forever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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