I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
