just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
