note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
