I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
