I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
