Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize