seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
