I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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