No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
