what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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