I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
