I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
