; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
