Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize