Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
