I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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