you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
