What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
