she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize