the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
