Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
