I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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