He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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