is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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