dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
this hospital has no fireball
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
