Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
