Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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