I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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