I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
