If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
