if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
