Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
