it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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