my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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