her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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