absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
