Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
