Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize