You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
