She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
