Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Randomize
