Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
