I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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