Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
