yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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