She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
