Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
