can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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