Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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