im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
