This dress was meant to end up on your floor
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
