what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
