you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
