He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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