porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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