he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
